LifePedia | Anand Sharma
A person at home full time who maintains the upkeep of the house, looks after the family and performs daily unpaid chores to create a peaceful, cosy and harmonious environment is one who is generally tagged, (you guessed it right)- a “housewife”.
This used to be an indisputable picture/scenario of an ideal domestic life – simply because it was hardly an argument; man earns the moolah, the dutiful wife prepares a hearty meal, the family eats together and they live happily-ever-after.
However, with changing times and with more women in the boardroom, Indian society is waking up to a seismic shift in the traditional matrimonial set-up, giving way if only just, to a new concept of “househusbands”. Yes, you heard it right!
Well, everything remains the same, almost. One parent looks after the home and the child/children while the woman steps out to earn the bread.
This new emerging trend has, as expected, raised several red flags and apprehensions in a male-dominated India.
Will it be healthy for a marriage? Does it or will it work, especially in a patriarchal Indian setup. Even Bollywood, that usually leads the forefront in churning out story-lines that supposedly reflect our society has touched upon the subject with movies like Ki & Ka.
While there has been no dearth of super-women, who have run their boardrooms and their households with equal ease and élan yet for Indian men it is an unimaginable terrain, one that they never grew up visualizing. Neither their fathers, nor their relatives or alpha acquaintances ever exhibited this ‘househusband’ tendency.
Does a woman, no matter how independent, feminazi type, career-minded and or modern, really want a Househusband for a spouse?
Nitya Sen, (34) an MBA a former housewife turned working-woman and a mother of a 5year old recalls how vindicated she felt for all those years where her husband Debashish (a former MBA himself) belittled her for being a stay-at-home mother while he was the one sweating it out. Nitya was willing to settle for some sympathy and recognition of her housewife job that, as she rightly pointed out, was a 24/7 job, unlike his which did have a ‘check out’ time from office.
“I do not even feel pity for him when I see him doing household chores dressed in boxer shorts and old T-shirts, a far cry from his tailored suits and expensive perfumes that had initially (during courtship) attracted me to him”.
Nine years after marriage, with him sitting unemployed for almost a year, their roles reversed and Nitya found a job and soon it was she who would come home late from (mandatory) office meetings/parties or the unexpected traffic on the roads.
One of the side-effects of a househusband concept, at least in the nascent stage is that many husbands (including Debashish) have not attended any family functions or relatives` social dos simply to avoid the inevitable and recurring queries, “don’t you want to pursue a career anymore” or “I hope complacency hasn’t set in, you are still trying, right”?
Both Nitya and Debashish though, are thankful for one thing, their shift to urban Bombay. Back home in Siliguri (West Bengal) the househusband concept would have been a traumatic one to endure.
While it is still an urban concept, it is taking a toll. Today, there is no denying that it has altered Nitya’s marriage in more ways than one, she suddenly does not find her husband Sexy anymore, let alone Manly.
How long will their marriage last, is anybody’s guess.
While on the other hand, there have been some men who have not only embraced this concept happily but also used this opportunity to embark on a better future.
Iqbal Dutta (34), quit his unsatisfying job to pursue his entrepreneurial dreams of opening a North Indian restaurant in tourist-friendly Goa. About 18 months and inspite of an expenditure of roughly 26 Lakh Rupees (or approx. 34,420 dollars) later he failed, the Dutta’s were staring at near insolvency when wife Ramneek(30) decided to pitch in. She was lucky to find a job with her old firm (a Bank) and now three years later they are both in a happy space and barring the home EMI, are debt free.
Iqbal, has utilized this time to pursue an MBA (through correspondence) and is also penning a book on Punjab’s lost food culture. However, as Ramneek points out, the actual benefit of this role-reversal is the mushrooming of the father-daughter bond (they have two girls).
However, Iqbal does point out issues like social alienation, “unlike housewives who naturally bond with fellow housewives, househusbands are at a loss. We don’t want to and can’t possibly mingle with the other housewives; also well aware that they constantly gossip about me”.
Is this concept here to stay in India? Yes, (maybe not so) much out of choice but definitely out of circumstances. Recession, job-cuts and newer work models are definitely pushing many a men out of the offices and some straight back to their homes. Matrimonial Harmony will eventually come about but minefields like waiting to pick up your child at the school gate (everyday) in the company of talkative housewives or asking a wife for shopping money can test many a relationship on a day-to-day basis.
The concept of househusbands may still be an emerging trend in urban India more so post Covid19, but whether it’s here to stay or not is something to be seen.
Anand Sharma is a media professional, associated with leading names in the Indian TV industry for almost 18 years. He has worked with broadcasters like Star TV, Channel V & MTV India and for production houses like Miditech and Colosceum, to name a few. He specializes in Content creation in his parallel roles of Director, Creative Head and Writer (for TV production houses). His range of creative expression shifts seamlessly between tongue-in-cheek humour, emotionally-charged writings and stark satire. Some of his articles have been published on Bonobology.com, The Indian Express, connectedtoIndia.com and Little India.com. He has also written an audio-book for Storytel Originals, titled – “Tinderella in Jyotishland”.
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