Raghav: I have no idea when I would be able to come out and visit you
Shaanvi: I only have my dolls for company. Dadi plays Ludo with me but otherwise I get bored all day
Raghav: I watch a lot of cartoons and my eyes hurt. I don’t like online classes. They are too boring. We just have to listen to our teacher
Shaanvi: I want to go to the hills with you and my other friends. But mumma, papa say I can’t go out because of coronavirus
The conversation between 5-year-old Shaanvi and 7-year-old Raghav over video call will break many a heart.
Our children are trying to cope with lockdown to the best of their abilities but it is in the moments like these you come face to face with the harsh reality that they can be the most vulnerable during lockdown.
Their ability to live in the present moment and willingness to learn new things makes it seem better than how adults are coping with this time of distress. But as the time goes by, children are showing signs of distress and it is reflecting on their mood.
Loneliness and mood swings
“Initially, there was a lot of excitement but now that it has been more than two months. I see a lot of mood swings and tantrums happening for the smallest of things. But she is dealing with them quite positively, I think more so because as a family we have encouraged her to express her freely. I think reading has really helped my child stay positive and sane,” says Avantika Bahuguna Kukreti, a Zumba instructor, dancer, Editor, mom influencer and Head-Brand Alliances, Momspresso.
“He is keeping himself busy with pretend play games and time with grandparents. In the beginning, he did question (used to feel bad) when he saw other children playing while he wasn’t allowed to play with them. Slowly, he understood after I explained to him about the Corona virus,” says writer, poet and blogger Priya Rajendran, adding, “he is yet to get used to learning new concepts without direct contact with his teachers and his classmates. All of a sudden, he has lost interest in studying. ”
“At times he gets desperate to socialize and definitely misses his friends,” rues Sana Syed, Volunteer Editor Kiva.
Renowned artist and journalist Meenakshi Iyer, mother to 12-year-old Shambhavi, feels lockdown is not any easier for kids. “My daughter misses the physical presence of her teachers. Honestly, I see no positive changes. Her screen time has increased and at times she gets irritated and snaps back because she cannot go out and play,” she says.
“School is an ideal place to learn at the personal and social level. Home schooling is not an ideal solution for a child’s mental and physical growth. Though we are trying to make it work, I am not sure of a positive impact,” says Sana.
Routine in the time of Coronavirus
While parenting experts would swear by the benefits of routine in the emotional and physical well-being of a child but with no schools and no outdoor time, it is challenging to set a routine for the little ones keeping in mind the work-from-home schedule of parents and other household work. In absence of social contact, kids, especially single child, feels lonely at times.
“My nine-year-old keeps his ears open whenever we are discussing the pandemic. So, it gets easier for us to explain the restrictions life has for now. He is a single child and there are times when he is alone so he often talks to himself while playing on his own,” says Sana Syed.
“For a 4-year-old, staying under lock is not less than a challenge, but my little one is pulling it off quite well. I learn from him, how he maintains his mental balance. My child has a set routine since his birth and thankfully we have been able to follow till now. He has a set time for eating, playing, sleeping and screen time. Setting a time-table since the beginning helps the children in planning their day. They already know what their next task is, which keeps anxiety at bay,” says Deepti Kaul, Content Manager, Shareit India.
Avantika feels it’s the time to deal with your kids with a positive approach and not force them to do things they do not want. “Initially, we did follow a stringent routine but now we are not being strict with her coz this is not the time to be a perfect parent, I feel. This is a time to deal with all kinds of issues in a positive manner and each family would be having a different way of dealing with it. Honestly, am taking one day at a time. I feel pushing kids to do anything against their wish leads to friction and frustration and its best to first understand what your child wants and then decide the course of action. Always remember every child is different,” she says.
“His normal routine is to play some games – mostly pretend play games in the morning. Then browse through books (while I am busy with work). Afternoons are for writing and some time spent with his grandmother while evenings are spent cycling in the corridor. He has a fixed prayer time at 7 pm in the evening and an hour’s TV time before dinner,” says Priya.
Some of the mothers feel the school is an integral part of a child’s life and without it a kid’s development is not complete. “Unlike school days schedule, the day starts more languidly but he catches up as the day proceeds. It is not completely satisfying because, discipline is an essential part of education, which is getting compromised in the present scenario,” says Sana.
“My daughter is asking too many questions these days. The fact that she is unable to play with her friends makes her more curious. We have asked her to make a list of things she would do post lockdown. Children have understood the lockdown rules better than we adults. We also try and engage her in painting and other stuff. I also watch some kids show with her and try to ask few questions. Some family movies are also good way to spent time together,” says Himanshu Shekhar, a senior journalist.
Learning life skills and positive habits
In absence of any outdoor activities, children across the world are showing interest in housework, and developing positive habits that will stay with them for life. From cooking, cleaning, taking care of their pets to being more independent, an entire generation of kids is learning life skills that they would never have learnt in normal times.
“I’ve made them clean their bathroom (including the pot, plus scrubbing the floor, removing hair clogged in the drain, with gloves of course), dusting of their room and other areas and laying the table etc. So, no household chore is beneath them,” says Geetika Sasan Bhandari, senior journalist and columnist, and mother of two children.
“Since there is less help, everyone has to chip in in things like folding their clothes and putting them in, making their own snack, picking up plates etc,” she adds.
Avantika is happy that her 8-year-old daughter Navya is learning life skills and importance of home-cooked food in the lockdown time. The little girl is also realising the importance of exercise and physical activity while she also likes to immerse herself in the world of books and calls them her best buddies.
Kids as young as four are arranging their almirahs on their own and it can’t get cuter. “He clears his study table and keeps his toys and books at their place,” says a happy Deepti, adding that her little son Vajraditya believes in following the proper hand cleaning routine with soap and water unlike the adults who just rub a little sanitiser on their hands and get going.
“He has learnt to listen to his parents, and does his work himself, like collecting the playing blocks and keeping them back in the bag,” says Dimpal, a journalist and mother to a toddler.
Priya says her little one is learning to read, doing fireless cooking, setting the table, cleaning, dusting and a lot of no-screen time. “I have shown him videos and read out aloud about the virus, and explained the importance of personal hygiene to him. As a result, my child is counselling the family now about how to deal with the virus!” says a proud Priya.
Facing the reality of life
We as parents try to protect our children from any adversity and often they are not ready for the hardships that come later in life.
Covid-19 is the time we can prepare our children for facing uncertainty of life. “Change and unpredictability is a way of life and I think in the long-term they will be able to put this life skill of coping with unprecedented situations, to good use,” says Geetika.
“From the onset, I have made it clear to my child that life is also about tough situations and hard times and his family is vulnerable too. Keeping him informed about refugee crisis, poverty, and deadly diseases like cancer has helped him understand the present crisis well. He is well informed about how contagious the disease is. In that light he understands that keeping away from crowded places and maintaining social distance is the only way we can hope to prevent us from getting sick and help the community,” says Sana.
Kids are also getting a lesson in gratitude and they are developing urge to help the underprivileged. “They realise just how fortunate we are and they are very aware of the situation and of how underprivileged people are suffering,” says Geetika.
Avantika says her daughter has become more supportive and loving. “We have been doing a lot of reading and other activities together and he has been mostly happy. Just that she does miss playing in the park, swimming and meeting her friends. I think it really depends on how you have been dealing with the lockdown as a family coz how you feel reflects on your child,” she adds.
Sana also feels that lockdown has taught her child to become more patient. “He has learnt to be more patient and to be grateful for the little things like an evening stroll.”
Benefits of family bonding
While everyone is restricted to their homes and cut off from the outside world due to lockdown, the family time has increased and people are realising the importance of having loved ones.
“I think more family bonding time has helped. Board games, cooking together, even innocuous activities like shelling peas together, exercising to the same Joe Wicks videos, watching a Harry Potter series together, have all made the family a tighter unit, and I think subconsciously aware that as long as you have your core family with you, you’ll be alright,” says Geetika.
“My toddler son is enjoying every bit of this lockdown with his parents, grandparents and chacha-chachi in Chandigarh. I have noticed a visible change in his sleeping pattern, eating habits and I’m also able to understand his gibberish now. He has started communicating and loves to listen to stories that his grandmother and I narrate to him,” says Dimpal.
For working mothers who managed to spend only a little time with their kids on a regular day, the lockdown time has come as a blessing. “He gets up with me in the morning, while I prepare to start my work from home, he drinks milk and plays around in the lawn. We’ve bought and inflatable pool for him, in which he takes a bath and then sleeps after draining out his energy, running around in the lawn. He loves collecting mangoes in the evening and keeps them in the basket of his tricycle in the evening and then we have some family time post dinner,” says Dimpal.
“Of course for a child, it’s difficult to stay indoors, but he is balancing it well because his father who is devoting a lot of time to play with him and our two dogs which are his best friends,” says Deepti Kaul.
Talking about coronavirus to kids
Geetika feels educating the kids about the virus and the necessary precautions is important. “We’ve been talking to them openly from the beginning and showing them appropriate news programmes and sharing details and facts. We’ve explained the virus as best as we could and made them well aware of the necessary precautions,” she says.
“We talk about it quite often because she needs to be aware but if we discuss negative news we make sure that we also show the positive side of it. Right now she understands that health is really important and staying home is the only way to stay safe. We have also been talking a lot about respecting food and minimize food wastage especially when we hear the heart-wrenching stories of our migrant workers,” says Avantika.
Missing the older days
One thing that we all can learn from the kids is that they do not like to dwell on the past or plan about future. Plus, they have their own ways to keep themselves entertained.
“He does not talk about it (time before coronavirus) much but he tries to find new ways to entertain him. Just before the lockdown he lost his pet cat. He insisted in getting a pet and finally settled with a pair of parakeets. He makes special effort to befriend them and surprisingly the birds respond to his love and care,” says Sana.
Little Zia wants to play with his friends and travel with his parents after lockdown gets over.
“He wants to play with his friends again. Earlier this year, we planned to visit Colorado during his birthday. The first thing he is looking forward to is a trip before the next winter sets in, which is a little unlikely,” adds Sana.
“He reminisces the days when he used to play with his friends outdoors in the evenings till late. He misses his weekend outings with the family,” says Priya. The little Reyansh is looking forward to going to school, visiting friends and going to the playzone and movies post lockdown.
Geetika says her children look at the pre-lockdown time “definitely with a tinge of nostalgia, and missing parts of it, but I think with the awareness that it will go back to that one day and that this is a phase we all need to tide over together.” She says the kids are looking forward to meeting their grandparents, and going out for a meal.
Deepti’s 4-year-old wants to go for horse-riding and on a holiday with his father and dogs once things resume to normal while Avantika’s little doll wants to go swimming, playing in the park and meeting her friends.
As long as these brave little kids keep inspiring us, we all will find a way to keep going.